I change..?

After a few months,

back to blog again.

Suddenly I miss here where the place I release, express, telling and memories.

I discover that I changed a lot after secondary school

or after start study in college?

Yeah,

I know I did change and it's fact.

My tear will came out when the sad scene,

I care my family's view about me,

I care that whether can I mix in with others,

I do feel terror when I watch horror film,

and

I care my life.

I did make myself improve something in life.

I do something that I don't do or no try before,

I take action on the things that I always think but no doing.

Still remember that I was asking my friend,

"Hey, do you think I can do that? Am I suit to do it?"

My friend keep answer me and at last he will always said like this,

"You always thinking this and that but you're no do it seriously."

Me often think so much things that I wanted to do,

I dream about it but I don't do.

Now think back over my life I know the reason.

Lazy!

And usually conclusion them to do in the future.

Maybe I understand that and finally take my action.

Or I just don't want my life keep "lazy-like-nothing-move-on" mode.

I dislike my life on that mode,

I will realize a few months pass away and I still did nothing

just like the time pass only but my life stay and no updated.

I wouldn't want that life again.

I change.

Started work as part time on weekend,

try study hard for homework,

and having feeling around me.

Yup,

I have feeling like a human should have.

Had no feel mode in my life a long time ago.

Just like I turn off the button of feeling,

close it and I would not hurt, no sad.

Don't really know why would I did that before.

Maybe it was because I really take fair as important thing seriously.

Fair is the symbol of Libra. 

I can't accept things unfair to me.

I often think why you and they so unfair to me

so keep fighting with my family for this.

Because I think they just not satisfied with me,

usually scold me without knowing the truth.

I cried,

I sad

and alone in the room.

Since that keep happened on me,

I close up my feeling.

I act like I don't care everything,

act no happy, sad, angry and even don't had cry for 1 more years.

I don't cry when watching the sad scene,

I no feel terror when watching horror film,

I no angry when people scold me, complaint me, and comment me.

I just do me,

a no feel so wouldn't have pain person.

Recently a movie, 

The Conjuring

type of horror movie that popular in this year.

I had watched it and talk over with cousin

and I remember she asked me a question,

"Did the movie nice? Horror? You not afraid?? I saw you not afraid and no feeling and just sat at there calmly when we watched horror film before."

She saw me on that mode. 

After what she said I just realize I change and remember I was that type people before.

Yes,

I close it to avoid get pain from people,

I don't want cry for those not so important thing,

I knew that all the things in world no any fair to say,

I don't need to take the "fair" so serious,

I just don't need care anything.

I keep telling myself these and finally I used to be a "dead people",

I used to don't care anything heartfelt,

"I don't care!" this three words even became my mantra.

But,

now,

I not that person anymore.

I did feel afraid when The Conjuring played.

I did cried a lot on watching drama(emotional people-.-)

I did laughed as much as I want .

I care.

I'm happy for me now.

I am who I am.

I can live more like a human.

I can plan the blueprint of my life,

I can take action on what I want do.

I feel great after I move a little on,

it can be one step out in my life.

I will be more courage to try new things, know them and improve me.

No pain no gain.

I always believe that people should have go through something before they get.

There is no easy life to go,

life just like a adventure trip.

I want enjoy my own trip.

Play one of my favorite song to say Good night
=)

Illa Illa by Juniel